Public Service Announcement: Nobody Cares About Your Cat Story, Not Even Your Cat

Hey, listen, you know who you are. If you own a cat and you’re going around telling people long drawn out stories about your cat, please stop. We don’t care. You might be saying “Actually, my coworker, Beth-” No. No she didn’t care, she was pretending. Beth was being nice and pretending to care, because Beth is a good person. You could learn a thing or two from your friend Beth.

Personally, I love cats, I’m a big fan. But if you’re talking to me for more than a minute about your cat, stop. I don’t want to hear it. I’ll take a cat anecdote. I love a cat anecdote, I’ll eat that shit up. Just the other day my buddy was like “sometimes my cat likes to hop in the fridge.” and I said, “Really, that’s crazy!?!?” and then we moved on to talk about other things. We didn’t waste the day away talking about how the cat cocked his head a particularly way or fun names the cat may have for the fridge; like the Cold Box or the Human Food Place. That would be silly.

If you want me to come over and pet your cat, I’d love to, but please next time your cat does something cute and you have to share it with me: keep it brief.