BREAKING: Washington football team changes its name from Redskins to Savages

In a surprising turn of events, Dan Snyder, owner of the Washington football team has changed the team name. After years of refusing the idea it seems new pressures to change it finally got to him. However, instead of changing the team name to something less offensive to Native Americans, it seems Snyder has double downed on the team’s objectively racist name. “Look I’m worth 2.6 Billion dollars, you think I give a rats ass what a few [redacted]’s say about the team’s name? But everybody complaining about the team name was really starting to get in the way of me enjoying my blissfully ignorant life. So fine, I’ll change it, Let’s see how they like it now!”

This move has shocked the sports world and seems only to have further offended those who opposed the teams original name. “It’s like, how could he even be allowed to do this? Doesn’t the rest of the league get a say? This is worse than when we found out that crying indian guy from that old commercial was just some Italian guy!” - said one Washington football team employee who insisted they remain anonymous.

Multiple reporters have tried contacting Washington’s new head coach Ron Rivera but all he said was “He has reservations about the new name” which we here at the Trashwagon are frankly unsure if this was some sort of tone deaf joke or if he just didn’t realize what he’d said. We tried asking fans of the team what they thought of the new name but we couldn’t find any.