Tom Brady Admits Lackluster Performance Recently may be due to Him Running out of Werewolf Blood Needed for the Dark Ritual that Keeps Him Young
It’s no secret Tom Brady’s play on the football field has left much to be desired. Recently there’s been reports of turmoil between Brady and head coach Bruce Arians. No one was really sure what the issue with Brady was, until now. After an interview with ESPN we learned many shocking details that might reveal where these struggles are coming from. We know many sports stars have specific “rituals” they do to help them get ready on gameday, but it appears Tom Brady’s are more than a little unorthodox.
Brady spoke candidly about how every week he performs what he calls a “dark sacrifice” that keeps him young. It appears he’s been doing this for upwards of ten years. The issue that he’s encountered now however in Tampa is that he’s running low on one of the ingredients needed to perform the supposed ritual. Werewolf blood. Yes apparently very common in the New England region, has not been so easy to come by for Brady in Florida. “Man you wouldn’t believe how many Werewolves their are in Massachusetts. Hell, there’s at least three in the Patriots locker room. Not the case down here unfortunately. I think the heat is bad for their fur or something? I don’t know point is I can’t keep substituting Were-Gator blood,” said Brady.
This dark sacrifice he performs apparently has a very strict recipe. Brady has been using what he called Were-Gator blood, which supposedly comes from beings who transform into Alligators during a solar eclipse. When asked if he was joking, Brady got very irate, “You know I’ve been playing in this league for twenty years, I take what I do seriously. I’m not going to apologize for my methods to stay at the top of my game. I mean Jesus Christ, the only reason I came down to Florida was to search for the fountain of youth! And no I’m not joking about that either, I know Ponce De Leon was close to finding it, I just need to follow the trail.”
Brady went on to say that he’s close to finding the mythical fountain of youth and when he does he’ll be better than ever. Neither coach Arians or anyone from the Buccaneers organization cared to comment, except Rob Gronkowski who simply said, “He’s the GOAT man, no wonder Edelman was always giving him viles of blood back in the day.